EMOTIONS ARE COMPLICATED

Photo credit: k0ks3nw4i from flickr |https://www.flickr.com/photos/8009253@N06/

Like the roots of a Shepherd’s Tree I reach down deep for you, digging past the years of resentment and pain and solitude.

Somewhere, buried deep down there is the memory of companionship. Like a sunscorched earth my heart remembers your true love like the spring rains' first drip.

I keep digging down, desperately searching for evidence that something is worth saving but I come up empty and wounded and raving.

Cold shoulders turn my heart to ice even as I reach out still trying to be a good wife. You tell me you need me and want me and that I’m your everything. So then why is it that even in your arms I feel like nothing?

Remember when you used to be my friend? When we used to laugh and talk like a day couldn’t end? Remember when I used to love hearing the key in the lock when you came home? We used to be happy to tell stories of our day and toss aside our phones.

Remember when you left me in all but the physical? When you could be here and but the silence was so deafening it was clinical?

I don’t know what I remember that keeps me digging, keeps me crying, keeps me believing, keeps me forgiving. Am I still looking for love? For redemption? For grace from above?

Why do I love you more than you love me and more than I love me and more than you love: we? Is that even a thing anymore? Is there something left to rejuvenate when our hearts are so sore?

I don’t know why I keeping digging. Digging down deep and always forgiving. I don’t know why I love you the way I do, why I want you the way I do and why I have this desire to be there for you.

I can’t explain it, I can’t reject it, I can’t contain it. I dig down and I fight for you because that’s what I said I’d do.

In sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, till death do us part or till the bullshit rips us apart.

There you stay; a deep-rooted Shepherd’s Tree planted in my heart. And I sit and watch you watch me tear myself apart…

Digging down deep looking for you.

Sahil Patel prompt “Emotions are Complicated".